I’ve been reading a book by Stan Persky, who was one of the professors at Capilano College in 1990-91 when I attended. Stan is a very interesting and beautifully articulate guy. I should have taken one of his classes.
Reading it, I was reminded about what college felt like, what being exposed to new people and ideas, feeling passionate about art and complicated, miserable, and at odds with the world at the same time felt like. Anger at the injustice of living in an imperfect world.
It got me feeling whimsical for that time of my life (though I do remember being mostly miserable and broke).
I also realized my personal mysticism hasn’t changed that much. I still believe in the preservation of the soul as the central theme in my life. Not a religious soul, but the soul of the individual made up to create, express, hold strong to your essence. The soul that does the right thing (or wrong thing) because it’s there to be done. The soul that isn’t measured by whether it will get you something.
Back then I didn’t know how to make money, how to be useful, how to control my environment and I felt lost. I have all those skills now. But I still feel lost, at times, and like the battle is still to preserve a little piece of myself that the world and my obligations don’t get to own.