I’m making an album, wanna help?
I’ve decided to make a new album and document it here. So basically that means I’m going to obsess and dwell on minutiae for the next year or so, and at the end of it the 50 or so people that listen to it will think, “Oh that’s nice” and “I wonder if he knows he’s not a very good singer?”
I think I’m going to call it “High Achievers”. It’s going to be about middle age, middle class angst, possible. Or possible just more love songs.
Two songs are written so far. Sweet Fear which I’ve posted and another called Seagulls that I have a demo of and will post shortly.
With this one I’ve decided to record it in my basement and solicit feedback on songs from various experts/Internet people. Writing and recording songs is a lonely business. It’s one of those endeavors where a man can lose perspective. Maybe that will help. One such expert, Kim Lajoie, gave me some great notes (below). I’ll be working on these in the coming days.
Shane Sparks – Sweet Fear
This song has got the makings of a great pop song! It’s not quite there yet, but it wouldn’t take much to push it from merely ‘good’ to unapologetically great.
Composition / creative direction The most noticeable way you can improve the song is through the lead vocal. At the moment it lacks energy – both in the performance and the melody. The performance is about halfway there and I can hear the style you’re going for. If you work on this, you can inject a lot more drive and passion into the song. Of course, this will allow the message and vibe to be much better received by your listeners.
The melody of the lead vocal is also letting the song down. At the moment it’s almost entirely on one note throughout the whole song. This isn’t entirely a bad thing – a plateau note in the melody can give a song a strong sense of drive and momentum. Overdone, however, it feels stagnant and restricted. I’d recommend keeping the plateau melody for either the verse or chorus only. For the other, write a melody that contrasts with the plateau – make it wide and lyrical and dramatic.
The song’s structure works pretty well, but it could be make stronger by inserting an additional chorus at 1:22. At the moment there are only two choruses in the song. Adding a third will make the song more memorable and allow the chorus to contribute more effectively to the identity and character of the song. Inserting an additional chorus here will also make the section currently at 1:22 operate more as a traditional bridge, and make the song a bit longer.
The chorus could also be improved by making the chords more distinct. At the moment they’re quite indistinct – the two most prominent instruments (vocals and guitars) are plateauing on a single pitch. This can be addressed in a number of ways, depending on how you approach the vocal melody. If you keep the plateau pitch in the chorus, the plateau becomes a distinctive and defining part of the chorus (and the song, as a whole). The chords can then be emphasised by bringing the guitar down in the mix (which I’ll discuss in a bit more detail later on) and adding or bringing up a lower-register part (like guitar powerchords or something similar). On the other hand, if you make the chorus melody more lyrical and dramatic, it might make sense to do the same without the guitars. This approach will potentially give the chorus a greater sense of movement and momentum.
Lastly, you might want to consider making the intro to the song more distinctive. An effective song intro presents an unique and characteristic element of the song that is immediately recognisable. If you make the chorus vocal melody lyrical and dramatic, it would make sense to echo it in the intro. Another approach is to use the intro to shadow (or hint at) the bridge – especially if the bridge of the song is quite distinctive.
Mix Overall, the mix is not bad. It just needs a bit of tightening up. This kind of song would benefit from a tight, compact sound. This can be achieved in your mix primarily through the drums and reverb choice. The drums sound a bit loose – you might be able to give them some more power using EQ and compression. Don’t expect a dramatic change, though, especially if they were recorded with a live drummer. Try to focus on the snare – changing it from a ‘pock pock’ to a ‘Tch Tch’ (longer attack power, shorter tail). A shorter, darker reverb will also help. Some gentle mix bus compression can also help getting a more compact sound. Use your gentlest compressor and start with low ratio (about 2:1) and fast attack and release. You want to compressor to subtly ride the overall envelope of the mix.
Some more distinctive processing on the lead vocal would also give the song more character. I think a sound similar to the bridge vocal would work well – more compression, a bit of overdrive, less air. Give it a bit more colour, more attitude.
Lastly, the guitar overhanging at :57 is a bit too loud – it’s obscuring the lead vocal. Those sharp guitars might be a bit too loud in the mix overall, they could come down a bit, which would help you feature the vocal more.
Hope that helps! Kim Lajoie
